Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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