I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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