Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
