if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I wish life had little blips of pornography
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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