He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I need to calm my uterus...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
