Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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