Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You have to summon your inner elephant
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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