Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
