I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
