i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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