I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
