I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
