he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize