I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
As shirtless as possible
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
