i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I think I sprained my soul last night
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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