the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
