There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
