Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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