Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
