Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
