She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
