A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize