She is in my trunk
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize