how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
