Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
