If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
