it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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