Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
