He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
