What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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