How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
