Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Just puked most of my soul out..
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
