dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize