I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
