I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He did a backflip because drugs
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
