Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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