Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
