Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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