I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize