So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
