ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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