Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize