What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You took a bar mat shot.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just pee around me
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
