So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Holy shit dude........stairs
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
