oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize