i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
