Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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