I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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