Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
