i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
