girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
