i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i dont even know how to be here
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
