I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Brb crying the tears of my youth
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
