But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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