the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
