That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
