I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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