I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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