It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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