Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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