she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
