I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Welp...herpes.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
