I'm gonna have a badass scar
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
