final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize