We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize