I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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