I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
