How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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