i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
