twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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