I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
