I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
