Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
